Repent and Forgive:
Keys to living well

March 12, 2023 • Third Sunday in Lent
Scripture Reading: Colossians 3:11-15 & Matthew 18:15-17, 19-22 (The Inclusive Bible)
Rev. Jeff Wells

Both of our readings today highlight the importance of repentance and forgiveness, not merely as a part of our faith, but as part of what it means to be human. These are only two of numerous passages that emphasize these two crucial spiritual and communal practices. There is no denying that we humans have a propensity to sin – to turn away from God’s love and lure and to harm ourselves, one another, and the living Earth. Repentance and forgiveness are essential ways of responding to sin.

What does it mean to repent? It is much more than feeling regret or saying, “I’m sorry.” The word in New Testament Greek is “metanoia.” In the Roman church, that got translated into the Latin word, paenitentia or penitence, which means confession of sins. But metanoia is much more than confession. It signifies a change of heart and mind that leads to a change in behavior and new way of living. Repentance involves transformation – turning away from wrongdoing generally and turning onto God’s desired pathway of goodness, truth, beauty, and love. I was so taken with Katie’s insight last Sunday that we are not fundamentally characterized by “original sinfulness,” but rather by “original goodness.” Repentance – is our reclaiming and re-energizing our original goodness.

Repentance asks us to make a decision to turn away from wrong behavior and toward the love and lure of God. God continually beckons us away from harmful behaviors and toward good ones. Whenever we turn from wrongdoing and choose among the better possibilities that God offers us, we move closer to God’s desire for the whole of creation.

You may have noticed that the word “repentance” does not appear in either of our scripture lessons today. Yet, both of them focus on turning away from certain kinds of attitudes and actions and toward others, including the very important practice of forgiveness. And the teaching on forgiveness in these two passages is pretty categorical: “Forgive whatever grievances you have against one another – forgive in the same way God forgives you,” says Colossians. And in Matthew, Jesus tells Peter he ought to forgive “seventy times seven times” – that’s 490 times! That’s a lot of forgiveness. A few years ago, someone said to me: “When you forgive someone, you should do it with the expectation that you may have to do it again. Don’t be surprised when it recurs. We should expect people to be repeat offenders.” So, what Jesus was actually proclaiming was: “Don’t stop! Keep forgiving – indefinitely.”

These are demanding teachings. Yet, Jesus did not ask us to do anything he couldn’t do himself. He modeled forgiveness for us in his own attitudes and actions. To a woman about to be stoned for adultery, he extended forgiveness and defended her from an angry mob. In the Parable of the Prodigal Son, he portrayed a father who, joyfully, lovingly, and without hesitation, forgave his dissolute and disrespectful son when he returned home. Jesus offered us a model prayer with the phrase, “God, forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us.” When he was suffering and dying on a cross, Jesus prayed for his tormentors and executioners: “Abba God, forgive them for they don’t know what they are doing.”

We are imperfect beings, so we enact repentance and forgiveness imperfectly. Yet we also do so from a foundation of original goodness. God invites us to practice repentance and forgiveness not once in a while, but as a way of being in the world. And I really do mean practice, as one would practice playing an instrument or practice yoga or meditation. The more we practice, the more something gets into our bodies and our spirits, the more it becomes part of our being – our way of life. We can think of repentance and forgiveness like spiritual muscles – the more we exercise them, the stronger they become.

It is incumbent on each of us to pay attention to our own actions. Examine and evaluate what we have done. We each need to take responsibility for the ways we have hurt others. When we realize it or they tell us, we should try to make amends and commit to avoid doing the same thing again.

I have discovered over the course of my life that I have to engage repentance and forgiveness continually and every day. Constantly, we face instances of selfishness, thoughtlessness, and intended or unintended hurts on the part of others. We get cut off in traffic. Someone on a motorized bike fails to stop at a red light or is traveling the wrong way on a one-way avenue and nearly hits us. One of my favorites is when I am trying to get out of the subway and the person ahead of me slows or even stops because they are reading something on their phone. These acts can make us annoyed, grumpy, or even furious. So, one of my first principles for the metanoia “way of living” is: “Let go of the small stuff.” Often, we have no chance to confront the perpetrators of these little hurts and resentments, so it is better to let them go. If we hold on to them, we may damage our own health and wellbeing.

With other hurts, we have to decide, case by case, whether to confront the person who hurt us. Often, it helps to be able to identify our hurt to the person who has hurt us. Not out of a desire for retribution or to harm them in return, but so they will be aware of what they have hurt us. I am sure you could each list many examples from your own lives: a harsh word spoken, someone forgetting to do something they agreed to do, a friend or partner forgetting your birthday or an anniversary. Left to accumulate and fester, these hurts can damage not just relationships, but communities. Moreover, if we hold on to anger and resentment, we can end up hurting ourselves as much, if not more, than the persons who injured us.

Jesus taught repentance and forgiveness as a way of life together in community for his followers. His teaching in today’s lesson from the Gospel of Matthew provides us with an outline for how to deal with hurt or conflict in a community in a healthy way. We don’t have time to review or share examples of all of that, but this way of approaching our life together is necessarily a mutual and communal practice. There is not one of us who has not been both hurt or the one doing the hurting. If we are committed to living and loving together in community, then it is crucial for us to develop an attitude and a practice of love and grace and mercy – of mutual repentance and forgiveness. We each have to take responsibility for the hurts we are responsible for. Also, we are each responsible for caring for the overall health and well-being of the community.

Forgiveness as a way of being is a countercultural value of the kin-dom of God. It establishes, as a fundamental principle, that we let go of the need for the payment of a debt and the desire for retribution. This is the only way a community like ours can thrive, and provide a model for other communities like ours and for the society at large. It is something the world desperately needs.

Of course, it helps to put ourselves in the proverbial shoes of the other person. Have you ever encountered an especially unfriendly or grumpy store clerk or waiter? Your first thought might be, “Hey, what did I ever do to you?” But being repentant and forgiving can help us to recognize and remember the original goodness in others. So, maybe our second thought is this: “I wonder what’s making this person act that way?” Maybe they are struggling with something serious in their personal life. Perhaps they are grieving a loss. Or, maybe they are just having a bad day. Remember that we are flawed human persons, too. So, try to assume the best about the person whose behavior has offended you. Then, pray for that person that they will find relief from whatever is causing them to act this way. Say something encouraging or just ask if they are okay. Often, you won’t see any immediate change. But sometimes, you actually witness that person's appearance and attitude change before your eyes because you noticed them and cared about them.

Of course, all of this gets a lot more challenging when it comes to addressing more serious wrongs. Sometimes repentance and forgiveness may require a lot of time, effort, and sometimes therapy or spiritual counseling. Sometimes it is not possible, not safe, or could even be harmful to engage repentance or forgiveness directly. Also, it is important to remember that neither repentance nor forgiveness erase or condone the harm done or that there are no consequences.

Repentance and forgiveness may be difficult but they are crucial to living and loving freely and experiencing the abundant life toward which God calls and lures us. Each time we can bring ourselves to forgive another person, the act of letting go leads us in the direction of deeper relationships and deeper community and also to deeper strength in forgiving in the future.

I know that some of you have experience in other communities in which repentance and forgiveness are talked about, but not actually put into practice. I am so glad to be part of a congregation in the Church of the Village that walks the talk, however imperfectly. I pray sincerely that, individually and collectively, we will continue to respond to God’s lure and continually become more loving, healing, and forgiving in the spirit of God and of our original goodness.

Copyright (c) 2023 - Jeff Wells
All rights reserved.

            201 West 13th Street, New York, NY 10011               
212.243.5470